Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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