Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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