I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize