it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
