I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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