no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
