I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
