You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
