My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize