she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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