i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
