I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I love you. Go after that dick
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
