She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
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