On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
