Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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