Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
