Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
