No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
