This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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