the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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