Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
