Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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