Capitaan dildo arrescate!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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