Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
