GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Everyone says I win the strip club
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
