Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sorry about my life...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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