So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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