Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
