my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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