in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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