She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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