my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize