..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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