I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
