I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
