Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
