I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
