I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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