So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
