life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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