babies were throwing up all over the place
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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