If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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