Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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