You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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