Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
