how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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