Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I did not marry a roomba.
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