don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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