similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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