my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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