it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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