I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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