I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
