this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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