I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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