I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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