dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
