Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
