The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize