Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize