I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
