I cannot find my penis.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
