If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
