just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
