your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
