I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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