am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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