three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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