i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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