Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
