i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
