Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
