Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Be still, my beating vagina.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
