god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
