i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
