What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
