Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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