a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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