Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
