What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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