My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize