so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
