I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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