If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
