I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
