new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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