my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't deserve a penis
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
