shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Cover your peen. We're going out.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
