I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
