he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
