literally had 100 drinks last night.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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