Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
