i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
